A Good or Bad Addiction


My name is Jimi “Hendrix” Cadeyrn Rhodes, and I would like to tell you the story of a man called Norman Multmore.
Now, I know you'll expect me to have that “formal” entry, where I call the main character a “simple man.” But I don't like that piece of crap! Norman was no simple man; far from it, in fact. He was very smart, smarter than you and me, and he wasted his intelligence on video games.
Now, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with playing a lot of video games, despite Jack Thompson's false claims. Hell, I do! But Norman, well... He went a little overboard.
The man would play video games night and day, day and night, and he would never stop! His metabolism was supposed to be able to handle anything with his tall and slender figure after all the stuff he eats. But he actually played those games so much, he had a little beer belly, despite his body's indestructibility. His friends loved video games as well, but at least they didn't play them nearly as much as Norman.
Even at work, Norman would spend all his free time at addictinggames.com, or he'd bring his laptop and start playing Halo. He'd even try to turn every job assignment into a video game, like giving himself imaginary achievement medals for each word or something like that. Which was why he was lucky to be working in the video game branch of an advertisement agency—he was right at home on his assignments.
But half the time he would come in with carpal tunnel syndrome, and get relieved from work for the day. This free time was used making the carpal tunnel worse by playing games. His co-workers were surprised he was keeping the job.
One day, his rival in work, John Scallob, asked their boss, Harris Smith, about what was going on with Normal and his job out of curiosity. Harris's stubby, but skinny figure leaned back in his office chair.
“I assure you, everything happening with Norman Multmore is fair,” Harris tried a little white lie on John.
John didn't buy it. “Now, Smith, you know that's not true! Why don't you tell me the truth?” He crossed his hairy arms.
Harris sighed. “John, Norman's case is a strange one. He began working here as a very valuable asset, then one of his friends showed him how fast video gaming technology was advancing, and he was swept up. I keep him here because any day now he could come back. Now, what do you think would happen if the original Multmore came back AFTER I fired him? There goes the greatest worker I've ever had.”
“I know Norman very well. He isn't doing anything, and he's not gonna 'come back.' Fire his sorry ass, or I'LL quit, the guy who's doing all of the work around here!” complained John with his dark, bushy face holding an angry expression.
Harris gave yet another long, heartfelt sigh. “Alright, alright. I'll give him the call tomorrow.”
John grinned an evil grin. “Thank you. I'm glad we could have this discussion. He walked out of the room. As he opened the door, he whispered to himself, “Success! My plan is playing out just right!”
Sure enough, Norman got the call that morning and was devastated. He just lost the best job of his life. Almost no work, and plenty of games.
“Damn it! What am I gonna do for money now?”
Obviously, he searched the classified ads, but his intention span and desire to play more video games soon failed him. He left the paper sitting on the table, without finding a job, and played.
Now, it wasn't before a few days later that he received a call from his ex-boss. He was sitting at the couch, playing more video games, when the phone rang.
“Aww! Damn phone, interrupting my zone.” He paused the game and picked the phone up. “Hello?”
“Norman! I've got some trouble at the office...” Harris's voice suggested he was excited right before the call.
“Why should I care?” Norman stuck it to him. “You fired me!”
“I only did so because John was at my case, but now I need you back and John out. He did so well, I made him partner. Now he's withdrawn the company's entire stock and sold it! He's ruining me and keeping all of the money! I need your help getting it back. Help me track him down!” Harris tried to make a brief apology before telling Norman what he needed.
“Will you rehire me? With more benefits?” Norman was getting used to this idea.
“Yes! Yes! Whatever you want!” Harris replied, desperate.
“What about a bunch of lady friends who'll do what I want? Or a sexy secretary?” inquired Norman.
“What? No!” Harris was quite disgusted at this idea.
“Fine. OK, I'm in.”
“Swee--”
“Now, I know a game I've already beaten that's perfect for this—'Fun With Dick and Jane, The Game of the Movie.'”
“Oh, not that again!”
“No, trust me. I know what I'm doing. Now, good 'ol Scallob would want to go to the most prestigious bank in America—Bessemer Trust, Goldman Sachs. That little number is... here in New York!
“How'd ya do that?!”
“Video games, my friend. The vastest collection of knowledge in the world.”
“Whatever. I'm just glad it's close to us. Let's hurry!”
Norman looked up directions to the bank and gave them to Harris. Then they both hung up and rushed to the bank as fast as they could.
Once they got there, they saw their friend John walk in. Not surprised, they followed him. The outside had looked plain, but the interrior was amazing. Fountains and marble and other expensive decorations were all over the gigantic room that occupied most of the building, including, most of each and every floor.
Norman talked softly as they followed John. “Now, this will be a piece of cake. All we have to do is follow him around and use amazing cunning and distractions to impossible distract every single person around us as one of us changes all of the personal information of the withdrawl to your name, so that you can deposit it back into the company!”
“Seems a little complicated...” began Harris.
“Nonsense! We'll have it done before lunch. I've done this several times!” Norman seemed a little too enthusiastic.
“In a video game?” Harris finished his sentence after Norman didn't.
“Now you're getting the picture!” Norman didn't notice that Harris was getting aggravated.
Eventually, John stopped after walking up to a help desk, complete with clerk and computer. He was just starting to fill out his information when Norman called out a request.
“Excuse me, lady over there!” He gestured at the clerk helping out John. “Come here, now. This is urgent!” He whispered to Harris as the woman walked over, “Go, now! Go get John outta there and fill in your information!”
Harris walked over to John as the clerk and Norman began to tell at each other about some kind of nonsense Norman had invented. “Hey, John! Fancy seeing you here, partner!”
John was surprised that Harris didn't know about the withdrawal, or at least didn't seem to know. He was suspicious. “And why are you here?”
“Oh, I just love the beauty of the interrior. I wanted to look at it again. Isn't it stunning?” Harris gestured at a statue of something  looking like Cupid peeing into a fountain. “Look at that one!” He held John's head there to keep him looking for a few seconds. By now, John was sure he was safe.
“Ugh, now I've got to go the bathroom. Can you guard this desk? It has all of my personal information in my wallet on top of it,” John hoped he could trust his boss.
“Sure! You go have yourself a fine emptying. Go, before you make a mess down there!” Harris answered as he forced a fake laugh. John ran to the bathroom, while Harris ran to the computer and started filling out his information so that the withdrawal would go to him. About halfway through, the clerk shouted some huge profanity at Norman, held up her middle finger, and began walking back to the desk. He worked faster and faster until he finished and printed out the proof of withdrawal, just in the nick of time. He grabbed John's wallet and gave Norman a signal to stay away as he waited for John to come back.
The woman just assumed that John filled out the information himself and left. She was mad at him for being so rude about it, but it was her fault, she guessed. She DID take a while with that annoying man.
John came back from the bathroom in a power-walk. Harris stopped him in his tracks, holding up his wallet.
“Here! I filled out your information for you. You can just go grab the money!” Harris implied with a smile and happy tone.
“Where's the proof of withdrawal?” John wondered.
Harris was lucky that HIS proof was already tucked away in his pocket. “Oh, shit!” he thought.
“Oh, I'm sorry! That silly lady must've forgotten to print it out. I guess you'll have to get it.”
“Very well, then,” John replied. And with that he was off. Harris power-walked to Norman, and didn't stop when he got there.
Norman noticed him and began, “Hey! How'd it go?”
“Walk with me, talk with me!” Harris answered in a panicky tone through gritted teeth. “He's arguing with the clerk about printing the proof of withdrawal right now. Once he realizes it's my info, we'll be screwed. Let's just grab the money and get the hell outta here!”
“You do have your own proof of withdrawal right now, right?”
“I'm not stupid.”
“Good.”
They practically ran to the cash collection area and gave their papers to the man guarding the money printer. He took awhile to check it all, as Harris looked around nervously and Norman chanted softly, “Come on... Come on... Come on...”
Eventually, the checker gave them their paper back, saying, “All right. Everything's in order. You may take the money now.”
Surprised they had actually made it this far, the two of them smiled at each other and jumped for joy. They grabbed the money, enormous amounts of cash, loaded it in a cart, and got the hell out of there.
As far as the aftermath, John confronted them, sued, and was counter-sued for starting the whole deal by attempting to screw Harris over. John lost, costing him just as much money as he had already lost in that little incident.
Harris became a very wealthy man after the court incidents, and he made Norman his partner, stating in an interview, “He has proven to me that video games can greatly help people. Saved my ass.”
Norman, as partner, received a large cut of the profiits, and initial money from the incident. As for the video game addiction, I'm not entirely sure, but judging by the kinds of purchases he made with that new money, I'd say he's still goin' strong with that addiction today.